The Silver Doe

Severus Snape wasn't the man everyone thought he was. Branded a coward and a murdered, the students at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry dreaded their headmaster. How could they know how lucky they were that Snape had hidden for so long? How could they know that the only thing preventing every student from the Carrows' cruelty was him?

These thoughts ran through Snape's mind as he faced the wizard everyone thought he served. Voldemort's eyes, though cold as stone, blazed as if on fire. They found the professor's black ones, and again, Snape pleaded with him; "My Lord – let me go to the boy-"
Voldemort continued to speak, but Snape's mind was elsewhere. If only he could get to Potter, he could warn him about the Elder Wand and try one last time to protect Lily's son. Lily…thoughts of the red-haired woman fluttered through his mind, each tinged with a different emotion – happiness, sorrow…regret.

The cold voice of the Dark Lord penetrated Snape's mind. "While you live, Severus, the Elder Wand cannot be truly mind."

For a moment, it was as though he had not spoken. Snape did not immediately realize the cruel intent in Lord Voldemort's words.

"My Lord!" Severus raised his wand, now aware of what the Dark Lord intended to do. But he knew he was good as dead. No one lived once Voldemort decided to kill them…not one…except for the boy. Snape could only hope that somehow, Harry would survive. The thought of Lily dying in vain was almost too much to bear.

"It cannot be any other way," Voldemort said. From any other, it would have been an apologetic phrase…but Voldemort never felt remorse, or sympathy. Snape had learned that well while he had been playing spy for the Order, for Dumbledore. "I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand, and I master Potter at last."

Severus watched, transfixed, as Voldemort slashed his wand through the air. For a moment, nothing happened, and Snape wondered if he would be spared – but a second later, he heard a sick sort of slithering, a sinister hiss, and felt the most tremendous pain in his neck.

This is death, Snape thought After so long, finally…

</i>And now he was walking along a street in Godric's Hallow, his heart pounding in his chest. He had to see it for himself; he had to see that she was dead before he believed it. The house looked as though it had been blown apart – half of the upper floor was gone, and rubble sat in heaps on the lawn. Severus walked inside the house, the door completely blown off its hinges. Lying in a crumbled heap on the floor was a body. Snape's heart rate picked up as he turned it over. A mix of emotions flooded through him as he saw that it was James who stared up at him lifelessly, not Lily – shock, relief, and a dull ache inside his chest. Could it be that he was sorry James was dead?
Snape did not dwell long. He stepped over the corpse and proceeded upstairs, where the most damage was done.

"Lily," Severus whispered the word, his heart tearing apart as the scene filled out before him. Lily's positioning was much like that of her husband's – defeated, cold, and lifeless, like a puppet that's strings have been severed. Snape feel to his knees, tears streaking his face. "Lily!" He crawled forward, glass cutting into his hands and knees. Finally, he reached her and pulled her close to him. Snape stroked her hair, caressed her cold face.

"I am so sorry," Severus sobbed, brushing a strand of hair from Lily's face "For everything." Snape knew it was his fault the woman he loved was dead. Why had he told the Dark Lord the prophecy? If only he had kept quiet, Lily would still be alive….

Guilt swelled inside Snape, and he screamed his agony to the world, the sound echoing in the silence that only death brought. His tears fell onto Lily, and it almost looked as though she was crying alongside the broken man. Severus looked down on his love's face and, shaking with sobs, pressed his lips to her's. He had barley touched her before he pulled away, his tears now falling faster and thicker than before. All the time Severus had imagined kissing Lily, he never thought it would be like this – cold, unresponsive.
Though he hadn't touched his wand, a silver Patronus lit up the room. Severus only looked at the dead woman on the floor, but from the corner of his eye, he could see that it was a doe…a doe with eyes the exact color of Lily's, and he knew that she was with him, even if her body was lifeless.

"I loved you," Severus whispered to the doe. The Patronus seemed to smile, and in his head, Snape heard a musical voice say, "For how long?"</i>

Snape was suddenly jerked from his reverie. Standing before him was James – no, not James. The boy looked extraordinarily like him, but he had the doe's, Lily's, eyes. Harry Potter looked down on his previous professor with a mix of shock, hate, and mercy.  Snape knew what he had to do.

"Take…it…Take….it"

The professor did not think of his last recollection of Lily as the Potter boy collected his memories – that was too private of a thought, and he was not about to share it with anyone. His moment of weakness in Godric's Hallow would die with him, just as he had always intended. The flask that had been conjured was now full with the silvery substance of Snape's memories.

"Look…at…me" Snape whispered the words, barley able to draw breath. It was late, far too late to say it, but Severus felt a burning desire to answer the question the doe had asked…the one question Lily had asked him about his feelings for her…the one question she didn't ask until she was dead. And looking into Harry's eyes, Snape was able to trick himself into believing he was facing Lily once more.

Snape could not speak; he was on the brink of death. The ghost of a smile spread across his face, as the last bit of life left him. He could feel himself rising above his body, light as a feather, filled with the same eerie, yet peaceful sense he associated with phoenix song. Severus Snape only had time for one last thought, and the doe's question rang clearly through his mind "For how long?" And now, at last, he could answer...

Always.